My heart is in a thousand pieces

Simi sleeping on the sofa

My heart is in a thousand pieces.

This morning, at around 9AM, we put Simi to sleep. She fought for her life, but in the end was in pain and could not even stand or even raise her head. She was my baby and I saw the twinkle in her eye up until this morning. She raised one eyebrow when she saw me and just for a brief second, I could see her eyes smiling. She was in too much pain to sustain the smile though. When I put my hand on her head, she made the soft “Simi noises” as if to tell me that she is content that I am with her. Binita and I were with her up until the very end; she closed her eyes and we both bawled and told her that we loved her.

I don’t believe in life-after-death, but today I hope that I am wrong. I hope that Simi is in a safe place in a different dimension. I hope that I will meet her some day in a different place, different time, different dimension. If there is a soul within us, I know that our souls are bonded forever.

I remember all the good times with my Simi. It seems just yesterday that she was a puppy at our old house up on Burnside Trail in North Scottsdale.

I remember it like yesterday when she was bit by a rattlesnake. I drove a hundred miles and hour to take her to the emergency room. She was only 4 months old then and almost didn’t make it. That episode bonded us and our love grew to see no bounds.

I remember her gathering up enough courage to jump into the pool to join me. The first time she jumped in, she had no idea if she could swim; but she knew that I was there, and that everything would be okay. This was when she was a puppy; and somehow she lost her affinity towards water as she grew older.

She loved to gather rocks when she was a puppy. She would walk the back-yard at our old house and gather all the smooth rocks in a single place. She would do this almost every week while we were at work. It kept her busy; maybe she was studying to be a geologist!

She loved to roll in the grass and get dirty. She would smile when she did so and pant heavily in satisfaction. She loved to eat and would sit staring at her bowl for hours until it was time to feed. She loved birds and lizards. Every once in a while, she would find a dead bird and would carry it around in her mouth until one of us noticed. She loved to sleep and would snore heavily while sleeping. It would wake me up at night but I didn’t care.

I remember the various vacations we took with her. Once, she flew with us to Cleveland. I had to put my leg inside her carrying case so she would be comforted. She rested her head on my leg throughout the flight. After Missy came along, we went to several driving vacations with her including multiple trips to California, Colorado and various places in Arizona. I would give anything to take one more vacation with her.

Simi was a patient dog. She was never in a haste. She would always let Missy go first. She would smell all the corners and crevasses as she walked. She had no concept of time. She would spend her time sniffing for hours when we had people over and were hanging in the courtyard.

One of my fondest memories of Simi will always be the way she would greet me when I came home. I would squat in front of her, and she would stand on her hind legs with her front paws on my chest giving me little kisses on my cheeks and lips. I would return them and she would softly sneeze with excitement. She would run to the sofa and rub her ears walking against the edge of the sofa with excitement.

She will live in my heart forever. She is alive and well and safe in my heart and my mind. She leaves me richer for having been with us for almost 14 years. Rest in Peace my Simi. I love you forever and ever.

My heart is in a thousand pieces right now, but I will piece it together. I hope that you are in a safe place and someday we will be together again; for the story of our love has a few chapters left.

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